As some of you may imagine, my name is not amsterdam. From the beginning I decided to use a pseudonym because I felt more comf...
Ok. I know I'm a bit missing. BUT I'M BACK BITCHES!
Lately I've lived a sea of new emotions, known new people and reviewing old friends. I am in a new phase, and don't fool yourself, I'm too happy.I decided to change my way of seeing life, after all, if something is not good, change has to start from US.
I was feeling bad a few months ago, and this was killing me. Killing the best part of me. Killing my personality and my way of dealing with my problems. Anyway, I wasn't well physically and emotionally. But then a friend told me "Please, don't take anything from the place stealthily, conquer new spaces." SURPRISE, BITCH!
I woke up to life instantly. I don't want to stay home when I could be having fun, just because they said it's not good for me. I don't want to pretend to like something when I don't. I don't want to continue hiding what I do or I don't make. I don't wanna live like this anymore. I want to be someone that I can be proud. I just wanna be me.
So yeah, I changed, for better (I hope), and I'm back. Let's live as if it were our last day. I'll be good, baby.
xoxo, Amsterdam
"That somewhere there is explanation for the lack of reason.
Be good, be a better person."
Stop being a jerk egocentric. The world doesn't revolve around you. Don't think any dirty look is someone thinking something badly about you, maybe they're just having a bad day. Don't hate someone just because other people also hate. And especially don't hate someone you do not know. Don't spread hate.
Come here, tell me who or what intoxicated
you with all this anger?
A girl who studied with me in high school used to spread hatred by some girls, and most people who hated these girls actually do not know them. And sorry, but I hate them for a few days too. For no reason. For years I was intoxicated by hatred that haunted me. But I woke up and saw that this doesn't worth it.
I learned to not judge people, especially if I don't know them. Anyone deserves to be treated badly, whatever the reason. So if you continue hating people just for hate, stop. This is all a waste of time.
Now let's talk about life. We are so accustomed to our good life that we just avoiding think about the others. Let's think outside the box. Let's spread the love and not hate. Spread the goodness and not badness. But mainly let's open our minds.
A girl who studied with me in high school used to spread hatred by some girls, and most people who hated these girls actually do not know them. And sorry, but I hate them for a few days too. For no reason. For years I was intoxicated by hatred that haunted me. But I woke up and saw that this doesn't worth it.
I learned to not judge people, especially if I don't know them. Anyone deserves to be treated badly, whatever the reason. So if you continue hating people just for hate, stop. This is all a waste of time.
Now let's talk about life. We are so accustomed to our good life that we just avoiding think about the others. Let's think outside the box. Let's spread the love and not hate. Spread the goodness and not badness. But mainly let's open our minds.
xoxo, Amsterdam
"That somewhere there is explanation for the lack of reason. Be good, be a better person." Stop being a jerk e...
Hello hello, oh hello.
There is so long that we do not talk, how are you? I hope you are well.
I always said and repeated - a thousand times - to myself that I didn't have to like someone to feel full, to feel happy or peaceful. But then I met you, and you changed all my world. Changed everything, including me. And no, this isn't a bad thing, at least to me, this is a good thing. I learned to love the person that I become when I am with you.
Some crazy way I was falling for you gradually. I knew as soon as I met you I could be myself always, even if this "I" were a sucker. (And 90% of me is a sucker, but okay).
I'm not here to tell you how much I like you or as you are. I am here to thank you. Thank you for not treating me like a fragile girl, thank you for caring, thank you for making me talk when something was wrong, even not wanting. Thank you for liking me as I am. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I hate people that don't care with another, and you are so different. You really care - or pretends to care very well -, I will miss you so much. But go, go away while there is time.
I don't care how complicated this gets, I still want you.
When you get back, I will be here.
xoxo, Amsterdam
Hello hello, oh hello. There is so long that we do not talk, how are you? I hope you are well. I always said and r...
"A part of me agrees to be happy without the party lost, however."
It's sad to say we move away from each other. You changed, so do I. But I still like you, trust me, like you a lot. A few weeks ago you returned from a trip in Europe, I was happy for you, I was excited. But now, I don't know nothing anymore, what did I do wrong?
But it is not time to regret, let's move on. Things happen, and we just need to get used to it.
I was three days feeling bad because I did not know what I had done wrong, but then you finally tell me why you was so weird, you will go away. You said that you turned away because you didn't know how to tell me that you will switch to the other side of the world, you didn't want to hurt me. And you didn't.
Yes, I will be a little sad, I really will miss you, but it's your life. I born to be free, and I cannot prevent anyone from being free also. If I had the chance to go away, I would. I am from the world, I am free. And I know you is too.
I imagine it has been hard to find a way to tell me without hurting me, but stay calm. You're happy, so I am happy too.
Now the world is all yours, do whatever you want to do. Drink till you drop if necessary, have fun as much as possible, explore everything you can explore, just don't forget me. I will be here waiting for you.
xoxo, Amsterdam
" A part of me agrees to be happy without the party lost , however." It's sad to say we move away from each o...
"Words people, words. There are meaningful words, there are pointless words, and then, there are words that hurt."
I was watching All About Steve, and there is nothing at this movie that I don't love, if I could tell something important about love, probably I would say exactly everything that this movie says. But I'm not here to talk about this movie or tell you some spoilers (and if you've never watched, go watch now).
I'm here to talk about words. All the time we are talking and talking and most of the time, not saying anything. We say that everything is fine when it isn't. We say we don't care about anything, but we care. We say we want honesty, but we aren't honest. We say we want to go to a party when in fact we want to stay at home - or conversely -, we say things on impulse and this is a mistake.
They called me arrogant and fat bitch once, I was so angry that I spent months without talking to them. Bullshit. I should never have cared with it. Think what you say and how you speak with people. Words are only words, but it hurts.
Why is so hard tell the truth, say what you REALLY want to say? People tend to lie, perhaps unwittingly, their feelings. Forgive me sincerity, but I cannot apologize anymore.
There's nothing worse than say that you like someone, and lie it. If you don't feel, don't tell.
Why is so hard tell the truth, say what you REALLY want to say? People tend to lie, perhaps unwittingly, their feelings. Forgive me sincerity, but I cannot apologize anymore.
There's nothing worse than say that you like someone, and lie it. If you don't feel, don't tell.
xoxo, Amsterdam
"Words people, words. There are meaningful words, there are pointless words, and then, there are words that hurt." ...
Maybe I, indeed, be a completely lost in what is said about emotional games. I've always been adept of "I demonstrate yes, because I want it, so what?" and maybe, I'm also wrong. There is no beauty in simulating detachments, there is no beauty in ignore messages or simply let it go, why people continue with this shit?
I don't like to hamper or boycott me sentimentally, I like to be honest, I assume what I feel and I confront the consequences of the choices I make. But try to understand me. Admit that I like someone is the hardest thing of all to me, not because it is not reciprocal, which I hope will be, but because this is all very new to me. But at the same time it's so good demonstrate that you like someone, and makes this person feel special as you would like to feel.
So answer me, why keep doing these little games? I will never be able to understand how all these seduction tips so well sold worldwide, are able to take effect. If you do these little games, please stop. Call the person you like, and say outspoken that you want to stay with her and no one else.
My ex boyfriend used to ignore my messages, to see if I was more into him. No, I wasn't. This was one of the things that made me pull away from him. So dont want an egocentric jerk who just wants attention and is not reciprocal with you. You deserve more than that.
If love must be hidden, then is not you who is not prepared for the world, is the world that it isn't prepared for you.
xoxo, Amsterdam
Maybe I, indeed, be a completely lost in what is said about emotional games. I've always been adept of "I demonstrate ye...
Since small all we are taught that if we don't have a partner and get married, we will be alone because nobody accepts it. I'm tired of this shit. Come on, we don't need a relationship to feel part of something. How many times we don't look at ourselves? Probably so many times that I lost count.
Who you wanted to please the last time you dressed? How long you don't look for yourself? And how many of your recent choices were exclusively molded for you? I dare say that few or none.
We spent a lifetime talking and doing what others have forced us to say. I used to do everything to enter a dummy 36. I never got it. I thought if I don't dress like the other girls, I could never get a boyfriend, of course this is all bullshit. I realized I didn't want a boyfriend, I was just trying to be just like everyone else.
Don't arrange a dating just because you are tired of being "stranded" of the galley. Don't start a diet just because they said you have to be thin as magazines' girls. You probably never did anything for yourself, or because you really wanted. You always saw from what the other thinks you are, it's not something abnormal, and even I don't escape of this. No one escapes of it.
We have to try to do things for ourselves, we have to allow ourselves to be happier without us care about what others will think, we have to decide what is good and what isn't without other people's guesses. Because when you get tired of it, you will blame everyone who made choices for you. And all because YOU allowed. Only you.
Don't be afraid to decide what you want for yourself, even if it is not what people want for you. I read in a text a few days ago that the best decisions are those we make when we stick a finger in the wound and we poke until you find in the bruised own, the healing. And there wouldn't better words to say it.
Try to do something for you, and just because you want to do, and see how wonderful it is.
xoxo, Amsterdam
Since small all we are taught that if we don't have a partner and get married, we will be alone because nobody accepts it....
For a long time I lied about who I really was, I lied about what I was doing, I lied about where I lived, I lied about my family. I lied, lied and lied. I lied about everything and this made me be arrogant, egocentric and stupid.
I did all this because I never thought that people would like me if they knew how I really am, I was ashamed of myself. But then I heard one of my best friends said that he "felt sorry for me", and it just destroyed me, I lied about everything, yes, less about my feelings. Hear this from a person who you like, it hurts MUCH more than listening to of some unknown.
I decided to change, I decided to stop lying about who I really am. I wasn't just not being honest with everyone, I wasn't being honest with myself too. All we should review our actions at least once in a lifetime.
I have a friend who is like that, I mean, not lying about who she is. But being arrogant and egocentric, and this have to change. I don't want that she becomes who I became. Going on this way, she will be alone. And nobody deserves loneliness. Do me a favour? Don't give up of a friend, even if he is being a son of a bitch.
Everyone deserves a second chance to become a better person, anyone can change, as I changed. Be the friend who you would like to have.
XOXO, Amsterdam
For a long time I lied about who I really was, I lied about what I was doing , I lied about where I lived, I lie...
I'm tired of repeating to people stop to be afraid of everything. Stop, stop, STOP!
A few months ago I met people, people that I learned to love, but are people who is afraid of everything. Fear of hurting others, fear to do something and someone get angry, fear to tell friends who they don't agree with what everyone say about something just because it could "hurt" them, afraid to come out with new people just because the last relationship was a failure, fear of what others will think, bullshit.
Life is a jumble of uncertainties and you don't need have fear just for not knowing what will happen in the future. Some call it arrogance, but I know me, understand me and I don't let me shake for silly fears. Yes, I have fears too, but I try overcome all it.
"Life is too short, so live" how many times we read this in texts, saw in some wonderful movie, or heard everyone saying and we still feel fear of everything? Too many times. Look at me, yes, stop what you are doing, stop... stop.. stop. Just breathe. Why are you so afraid? Tell me.
I used to be like this, like you. But I decided change, you know? I stopped and thought "why are you so afraid, asshole? You will never know if you don't try" Since then I understand, there is no reason to be so coward, get over it.
From the moment you start seeing your fears as something you must face, everything will change, and change for better, trust me.
XOXO, Amsterdam
I'm tired of repeating to people stop to be afraid of everything. Stop, stop, STOP! A few months ago I met people, ...
Dear World,
I just realized that I complain too much about how my love life - or the lack of one - makes me sad. I am constantly trying to figure it out why things never got to a certain point and in this current rollercoaster, I forget that my life is - and I am - so much more than a crush.
I don't always remember how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family that supports me no matter what I do. They stand by my side at all times and, even tho we discuss a lot, I know we love each other dearly.
I often forget about my amazing friends too. They are so unique and perfect and I don't think I'd be as happy as I remind myself to be if it weren't for them. I am surrounded by so many different friends and I feel so blessed, because I realize that it's because of them that I am who I am, that I think the way I think. Our memories save me from being sad or rescue me when I find myself in that place just like their company.
Life isn't always about a relationship. Love is important, don't get me wrong, but we can find love in so many different places. Love can be found in a song, in a book, at a special cafe, in a tv serie.
I fall in love daily with actions: sharing a smile, giving a hug (I love people who do the "free hugs" thing), reminding someone to put a coat because it might rain, a spontaneous text saying "I miss you <3".
All of these things make me very very happy and they remind myself to focus on the bright side of life instead of the dark one. I know that it can be hard but I encourage you to pay attention to the little things because they will become the big ones if you start to notice them.
You are unique, intelligent, special and you should never forget that! Love yourself, love the people that have chosen to love you back, leave the others behind. You have the right to be happy and do not allow yourself to be heartbroken forever. Life is a wonderful gift, don't spend on the wrong people.
Yours,
Charlotte
Dear World, I just realized that I complain too much about how my love life - or the lack of one - makes me sad. I am constantly tr...
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdoooo. What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here...
People say that whoever makes the place is the person. I disagree. We go through life trying to make our place, trying achieve things that we dream, but almost we never are or we are 100% satisfied.
There is no future here for those who want to venture out, be free, independent. Here the sky is blue for those who want to live of sky. My horizon goes beyond.
Pretty words do not save bad lives, let's change our routine, let's change ourselves, let's change everything that isn't good.
We don't change because we have fear of what awaits us, we're afraid of the unknown. So we pretend it's alright. We pretend walk on clouds when actually it drop storms over our heads. We pretend courage when we are cowards.
Let's make a pact, we won't live the same days everyday and we'll change all that suffocates us.
XOXO, Amsterdam
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdoooo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here... No, I won' t s...
"Sometimes, I look for a logical explanation for this stupid longing, but it's so stupid that I gave up. I just feel."
I've been thinking about him and gave me a tremendous longing, but I'm too cowardly to call him for a small talk just to ask how is his life. I think, I feel, and I cravenly retreat. Bullshit!
Nobody is forced to relocate the dissatisfaction of other, but sometimes we can't have and we can't let it go. And this isn't healthy.
A long time ago I didn't allow me to stay with someone just for being afraid of how I'll be if this doesn't work, but then I woke up for life. We have to stop thinking that everything is unfair just because someone that YOU want doesn't want you back. The truth is: Life goes on.
Stop suffering and complaining about what could it be if.. If, if, if... Just stop.
Love is too spacious to not let it take the seats, but there are people who find a way to lock it in a cold and dark place, how if they sweep the dirt under the carpet. THIS isn't fair.
I learned that fire burns and water above the neck drowns. We suffer, we cry, we're full of questions and life even stop to listen.
Life goes on, so deal with that. Not kidding. It does.
XOXO, Amsterdam
"Sometimes, I look for a logical explanation for this stupid longing, but it's so stupid that I gave up. I just feel....
Dear world,
Isn't it funny that you might have already met your soulmate, but because of life's events, you didn't manage to stay together?
I often observe couples, who appear to be perfect, chosing different paths and ending their relationships. This tears my heart apart because you can clearly see that they were meant for each other: they have the same musical taste, laugh at the same jokes - and not only to please each other, but because they really thought that it was freaking funny - and truly care for each other.
But then, bam, trouble in paradise. One of them is not prepared to deal with this by himself and can't even imagine putting someone they love under such pressure. And that's how their perfect relationship - their own perfect one - ends. Because, sometimes, fear overcomes love.
But I truly believe that, once they realize that together, they will be happier and stronger, love will beat anything in their way. So fear, you little fucker, be careful, because love is coming after you.
Yours,
Charlotte
Dear world, Isn't it funny that you might have already met your soulmate, but because of life's events, you didn't m...
They said that we can't do what we want to do. They said that we aren't beautiful if we aren't always tidy. They said that if we are "overweight", we won't be accepted. They said that we can't follow our dreams because it only works in disney's movies. They said they had no prejudice, even had "black" friends. Who are they? They are part of society, or even "society", that we need to delete and stop giving importance.
Is extremely complicated not be chained in the standards that they impose to us, because there are people who are, and those are screaming in our ears there is a whole world that we aren't and we will never be accepted. But don't listen to them. Be who you want to be.
Open your mind, the world is bigger than it looks, and you don't have to look like the magazine's girl, just because they said that this is necessary. Don't suffer for not being part of those standards imposed by someone, you're beautiful no matter if you are "fat", or if your hair is too short.
The people have true obsession to feel sad if they do something that is not "accept", don't you arrest to taboos, the world is changing quickly and this is so good. So be proud of who you are, just this is enough.
XOXO, Amsterdam
They said that we can't do what we want to do. They said th at we aren't beautiful if we aren't always tidy. Th...
I saw him every day but I always went away for being embarrassed to talk a hi or at least ask for some information, even if not needed. But then after six months we met. Was only takes a "hi" for we didn't stop to talking ever.
We saw each other every day and as I cling easy, soon I fell in love. But he didn't. It was a storm of feelings thrown down the drain when he told me I was nothing beyond a simple friend, and it hurts me so much because I really liked that guy, dammit , I really liked him!
After months suffering for a guy I thought I knew, I found that I wasn't just a friend, I was also the girl he used to make jealous to his girlfriend and fucking hell, just I know how stupid I felt, how a smart girl falls into a trap like that?
One day I woke up and decided it would no longer suffer for someone who doesn't deserve me, I never felt ashamed of what I felt and no one should too. It's not your fault if that guy wasn't honest. It's not your fault if he is nothing what appeared to be when you met. It's not your fault if he prefers to be hiding behind of his fears.
Please, don't you regret for falling in love, even if that hasn't been reciprocal. If he want to leave of your life without explanation, let it go. You don't deserve someone so coward, nobody deserves.
XOXO, Amsterdam.
I saw him every day but I always went away for being embarrassed to talk a hi or a t least ask for some informatio...
"Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better."
I always had inside me the necessity to be free, but yes, I still live with my family and I'm still at home but not for long. I've never been attached to my family, or somewhere. I can't be free physically, but my soul is.
Today I was walking down the street and I saw a woman sitting and I went to talk to her and she looked so happy, I asked what had happened for her to be that way and she replied that she could be living on the street, away from family and friends, but all this lost importance every time she saw a sunset or how free the birds are because she wanted to be like them.
Then I saw that whole story made sense, she just wanted to be free and she is. Her heart is free, her soul is, and that's what matters in the end.
I feel I haven't done anything that really mattered to me until now. I have to change, we all have, no makes sense live a life that we doesn't want to. If you don't like how things are, change it.
Your home is where you want to be, is where your heart is, so drop everything and live your life as you want, forget what the others will think, allow yourself to be free like your soul is.
XOXO, Amsterdam.
"Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better." I always had inside me the necessity to be free, but yes, I sti...
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