Such Matters: agosto 2015

"A part of me agrees to be happy without the party lost, however."

     It's sad to say we move away from each other. You changed, so do I. But I still like you, trust me, like you a lot. A few weeks ago you returned from a trip in Europe, I was happy for you, I was excited. But now, I don't know nothing anymore, what did I do wrong?
     But it is not time to regret, let's move on. Things happen, and we just need to get used to it.
     I was three days feeling bad because I did not know what I had done wrong, but then you finally tell me why you was so weird, you will go away. You said that you turned away because you didn't know how to tell me that you will switch to the other side of the world, you didn't want to hurt me. And you didn't.
     Yes, I will be a little sad, I really will miss you, but it's your life. I born to be free, and I cannot prevent anyone from being free also. If I had the chance to go away, I would. I am from the world, I am free. And I know you is too.
     I imagine it has been hard to find a way to tell me without hurting me, but stay calm. You're happy, so I am happy too.
     Now the world is all yours, do whatever you want to do. Drink till you drop if necessary, have fun as much as possible, explore everything you can explore, just don't forget me. I will be here waiting for you.

xoxo, Amsterdam

- 10:17 PM

Adaptation

" A part of me agrees to be happy without the party lost , however." It's sad to say we move away from each o...

"Words people, words. There are meaningful words, there are pointless words, and then, there are words that hurt."

I was watching All About Steve, and there is nothing at this movie that I don't love, if I could tell something important about love, probably I would say exactly everything that this movie says. But I'm not here to talk about this movie or tell you some spoilers (and if you've never watched, go watch now).

I'm here to talk about words. All the time we are talking and talking and most of the time, not saying anything. We say that everything is fine when it isn't. We say we don't care about anything, but we care. We say we want honesty, but we aren't honest. We say we want to go to a party when in fact we want to stay at home - or conversely -, we say things on impulse and this is a mistake.

     They called me arrogant and fat bitch once, I was so angry that I spent months without talking to them. Bullshit. I should never have cared with it. Think what you say and how you speak with people. Words are only words, but it hurts.
     Why is so hard tell the truth, say what you REALLY want to say? People tend to lie, perhaps unwittingly, their feelings. Forgive me sincerity, but I cannot apologize anymore.
     There's nothing worse than say that you like someone, and lie it. If you don't feel, don't tell.

xoxo, Amsterdam

- 10:04 AM

Crosswords

"Words people, words. There are meaningful words, there are pointless words, and then, there are words that hurt." ...

     Maybe I, indeed, be a completely lost in what is said about emotional games. I've always been adept of "I demonstrate yes, because I want it, so what?" and maybe, I'm also wrong. There is no beauty in simulating detachments, there is no beauty in ignore messages or simply let it go, why people continue with this shit?
      I don't like to hamper or boycott me sentimentally, I like to be honest, I assume what I feel and I confront the consequences of the choices I make. But try to understand me. Admit that I like someone is the hardest thing of all to me, not because it is not reciprocal, which I hope will be, but because this is all very new to me. But at the same time it's so good demonstrate that you like someone, and makes this person feel special as you would like to feel.
     So answer me, why keep doing these little games? I will never be able to understand how all these seduction tips so well sold worldwide, are able to take effect. If you do these little games, please stop. Call the person you like, and say outspoken that you want to stay with her and no one else.
     My ex boyfriend used to ignore my messages, to see if I was more into him. No, I wasn't. This was one of the things that made me pull away from him. So dont want an egocentric jerk who just wants attention and is not reciprocal with you. You deserve more than that.
      If love must be hidden, then is not you who is not prepared for the world, is the world that it isn't prepared for you.

xoxo, Amsterdam

- 7:16 PM

Stop the games

Maybe I, indeed, be a completely lost in what is said about emotional games. I've always been adept of "I demonstrate ye...

     Since small all we are taught that if we don't have a partner and get married, we will be alone because nobody accepts it. I'm tired of this shit. Come on, we don't need a relationship to feel part of something. How many times we don't look at ourselves? Probably so many times that I lost count.
     Who you wanted to please the last time you dressed? How long you don't look for yourself? And how many of your recent choices were exclusively molded for you? I dare say that few or none.
     We spent a lifetime talking and doing what others have forced us to say. I used to do everything to enter a dummy 36. I never got it. I thought if I don't dress like the other girls, I could never get a boyfriend, of course this is all bullshit. I realized I didn't want a boyfriend, I was just trying to be just like everyone else.
     Don't arrange a dating just because you are tired of being "stranded" of the galley. Don't start a diet just because they said you have to be thin as magazines' girls. You probably never did anything for yourself, or because you really wanted. You always saw from what the other thinks you are, it's not something abnormal, and even I don't escape of this. No one escapes of it.
     We have to try to do things for ourselves, we have to allow ourselves to be happier without us care about what others will think, we have to decide what is good and what isn't without other people's guesses. Because when you get tired of it, you will blame everyone who made choices for you. And all because YOU allowed. Only you.
     Don't be afraid to decide what you want for yourself, even if it is not what people want for you. I read in a text a few days ago that the best decisions are those we make when we stick a finger in the wound and we poke until you find in the bruised own, the healing. And there wouldn't better words to say it.
     Try to do something for you, and just because you want to do, and see how wonderful it is.

xoxo, Amsterdam

- 1:22 PM

Do something for you

Since small all we are taught that if we don't have a partner and get married, we will be alone because nobody accepts it....

     For a long time I lied about who I really was, I lied about what I was doing, I lied about where I lived, I lied about my family. I lied, lied and lied. I lied about everything and this made me be arrogant, egocentric and stupid.
     I did all this because I never thought that people would like me if they knew how I really am, I was ashamed of myself. But then I heard one of my best friends said that he "felt sorry for me", and it just destroyed me, I lied about everything, yes, less about my feelings. Hear this from a person who you like, it hurts MUCH more than listening to of some unknown.
     I decided to change, I decided to stop lying about who I really am. I wasn't just not being honest with everyone, I wasn't being honest with myself too. All we should review our actions at least once in a lifetime.
     I have a friend who is like that, I mean, not lying about who she is. But being arrogant and egocentric, and this have to change. I don't want that she becomes who I became. Going on this way, she will be alone. And nobody deserves loneliness. Do me a favour? Don't give up of a friend, even if he is being a son of a bitch.
     Everyone deserves a second chance to become a better person, anyone can change, as I changed. Be the friend who you would like to have.

XOXO, Amsterdam

lies - 10:27 AM

No more lies

For a long time I lied about who I really was, I lied about what I was doing , I lied about where I lived, I lie...

I'm tired of repeating to people stop to be afraid of everything. Stop, stop, STOP!

A few months ago I met people, people that I learned to love, but are people who is afraid of everything. Fear of hurting others, fear to do something and someone get angry, fear to tell friends who they don't agree with what everyone say about something just because it could "hurt" them, afraid to come out with new people just because the last relationship was a failure, fear of what others will think, bullshit.

Life is a jumble of uncertainties and you don't need have fear just for not knowing what will happen in the future. Some call it arrogance, but I know me, understand me and I don't let me shake for silly fears. Yes, I have fears too, but I try overcome all it.

"Life is too short, so live" how many times we read this in texts, saw in some wonderful movie, or heard everyone saying and we still feel fear of everything? Too many times. Look at me, yes, stop what you are doing, stop... stop.. stop. Just breathe. Why are you so afraid? Tell me.

I used to be like this, like you. But I decided change, you know? I stopped and thought "why are you so afraid, asshole? You will never know if you don't try" Since then I understand, there is no reason to be so coward, get over it.

From the moment you start seeing your fears as something you must face, everything will change, and change for better, trust me.

XOXO, Amsterdam

afraid - 2:35 PM

Do not hide behind your fears

I'm tired of repeating to people stop to be afraid of everything. Stop, stop, STOP! A few months ago I met people, ...

Dear World,

I just realized that I complain too much about how my love life - or the lack of one - makes me sad. I am constantly trying to figure it out why things never got to a certain point and in this current rollercoaster, I forget that my life is - and I am - so much more than a crush.

I don't always remember how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family that supports me no matter what I do. They stand by my side at all times and, even tho we discuss a lot, I know we love each other dearly.

I often forget about my amazing friends too. They are so unique and perfect and I don't think I'd be as happy as I remind myself to be if it weren't for them. I am surrounded by so many different friends and I feel so blessed, because I realize that it's because of them that I am who I am, that I think the way I think. Our memories save me from being sad or rescue me when I find myself in that place just like their company.

Life isn't always about a relationship. Love is important, don't get me wrong, but we can find love in so many different places. Love can be found in a song, in a book, at a special cafe, in a tv serie.

I fall in love daily with actions: sharing a smile, giving a hug (I love people who do the "free hugs" thing), reminding someone to put a coat because it might rain, a spontaneous text saying "I miss you <3".

All of these things make me very very happy and they remind myself to focus on the bright side of life instead of the dark one. I know that it can be hard but I encourage you to pay attention to the little things because they will become the big ones if you start to notice them.

You are unique, intelligent, special and you should never forget that! Love yourself, love the people that have chosen to love you back, leave the others behind. You have the right to be happy and do not allow yourself to be heartbroken forever. Life is a wonderful gift, don't spend on the wrong people.

Yours,

Charlotte

friends - 1:42 PM

Don't forget to be happy

Dear World, I just realized that I complain too much about how my love life - or the lack of one - makes me sad. I am constantly tr...

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdoooo. What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here...

     No, I won't sing a Radiohead's song.
     People say that whoever makes the place is the person. I disagree. We go through life trying to make our place, trying achieve things that we dream, but almost we never are or we are 100% satisfied.
     There is no future here for those who want to venture out, be free, independent. Here the sky is blue for those who want to live of sky. My horizon goes beyond.
     Pretty words do not save bad lives, let's change our routine, let's change ourselves, let's change everything that isn't good.
     We don't change because we have fear of what awaits us, we're afraid of the unknown. So we pretend it's alright. We pretend walk on clouds when actually it drop storms over our heads. We pretend courage when we are cowards.
     Let's make a pact, we won't live the same days everyday and we'll change all that suffocates us.

XOXO, Amsterdam

- 12:04 PM

I don't belong here

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdoooo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here... No, I won' t s...

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